My work was becoming a great soul exposure, asking me to put myself on the page and into the art, showing all the different expressions of life, my life, the abuse, grief, betrayal, love, passion and beauty - artlife.

And my art was beautiful. The beautiful expression of inner pain, but my work had no colour, all I could do was black and white. So it became all about the lines, dots and marks, like breadcrumbs, leading me back home to my soul. 

At the last big opening event, I stood watching the scenes of people pouring in to admire my work and a fire lit inside me. An epiphany of what my work had truly become. It showed me how to heal through taking a journey, and I wanted to know how to use that magic to help others heal from traumatic events. (see cards #0 Sacred Clown and #1 Memory Keeper in the oracle deck, these are two pieces from my original black and white exhibitions. The wisodm of these art pieces is the beginning of taking a sacred journey) 

Heal the hidden, sometimes considered, unhealable wounds of the heart. 

Through this passionate fire in my heart, I made a wish to the universe, “Please show me how I can use this gift of art to help heal others express themselves and heal, so they do not have to get stuck in pain”.

I knew this wasn't about me becoming an art, performance, writing, or singing teacher, this was about something else. It was about energy, life force and passion... but where would I begin?

I didn’t take this soul journey to be alone, I took it to be in love, and that’s where the wish took me, but in order to meet love I had to let go of what no longer served love. How was I going to do this? 

I was guided to explore creative energy, life force energy, sexual energy, and I did this in multiple ways over this 13 year journey. Including multiple shamanic initiations, becoming a Priestess of Sacred Sexuality, and going on a wild 6-year journey of learning directly from the plant world with plant medicine journeys and indigenous shamans from several different continents. 

Once my Priestess training was completed in Glastonbury, the heart of Mother Earth, I was inspired to go on a pilgrimage to understand the next part of my artistic soul journey, anchor the vibration of the Priestess within and open up the essence of self sovereignty and leadership that had awoken in me. So in 2015 I walked the Camino for forty days from Lisbon Portugal up to 'the end of the world' at Finisterre in Spain.

This pilgrimage was also an art quest. I sold 40 blank pages of my skecth book beofre leaving and took the spirits of 40 page pilgrims with me along with my paper and pencils. Everyday I drew an illustration and channelled messages which were later sent to the people who had bought the pages. It was epic. Hard enough to walk for 40 days, but to draw and write everyday was quite a devotion! 

Along the journey, I received downloads of visons and songs that deepened my embodiment of the archetypes I had worked with during the Priestess training and I later drew my version of the goddess wheel through the essences and coding of sacred sexuality and how the seasonal changes help evolve this life force energy. This was the beginning of my deep embodiment journey of archetypal energies, cyclical living and womb wisdom work. It was life-changing. 

These illustrations became my first book, I Am Divine. A creative journey course for women to connect to the power of life force energy through their own body wisdom. Versions of these illustrations are now part of the Soul Prophecy Oracle too. (See oracle cards #2 to #12 for this part of the journey)

My art and my journey were starting to come alive, the wish I made in the gallery was making itself known to me and my life was becoming art as it showed me the next direction in my life to take.

After this time period I met a new man, moved to Portugal and then onto Holland, and later got married for a second time. I left my thriving art career, contacts and prospects for the promise of love. It became increasingly difficult to create and it later became clear to me why this was happening. 

Whilst in Holland, I reduced my art expression to pen and paper, and turned more and more inward, guided by the depths of my inner world which unknowingly led me on the most transformational path I could have never wish for, as I had no idea it existed at that point!

So now on a whole new inner journey, Holland was bringing me many great gifts of inner journey work, through friendships, sister circles, festivals, women's work and deep ceremonies with indigenous tribes and plant medicines. It was wild.

During this time, around 2018 - 2020 my second marriage was becoming increasingly strained, toxic and abusive but I was blinded by the illusion of fake love and my creative source was difficult to keep alive. 

I finished writing my first novel, based on the first part of my Art-Life journey, and I still intend to get it published as soon as I can, but as I was writing it, the spirit of the pen was asking me to draw myself on the page again. Draw myself back into my work like I had done before when this journey had begun in 2012. 

So in 2019, I printed a photo of me onto a page again (see card #13 Sarcophagus Initiation, in the oracle deck) like I had done years before, (see card #1 Memory Keeper, in the oracle deck).

When I drew this. I died.

I had been neglecting my art due to the emotional turmoil of my relationship that was sucking me dry, but there was a strong voice in me saying. "GET ON THE PAGE!"

I made sure I was alone in the house. I printed myself onto the page. I lit a candle and opened ceremonial space for myself with sacred cacao and invoked my soul wisdom. 

I laid my hands on the page, covering the image of my face, and I closed my eyes, and I began to see again.

I did not know what would happen. I followed my inner visions and slowly began illustrating the lines. As I was drawing I was reading the lines, dots and marks, following the imagery and coding that was coming though. I drew exactly what I was being told and shown to draw. It was my death. 

I began to feel like I was drawing the prophecy of my death. I was drawing and crying, stunned into fear and mourning myself all at the same time. Surrendering into the sarcophagus, I thought I would actually die and I was afraid to finish the picture through fear of invoking my own death. I was indeed illustrating my own death, the path to deep surrender and ego death. 

When I realised I wasn't actually going to die that day, I finished the illustration and laid down my pen. I could feel the call to be in service with my art and draw other women.

The difference this time was that red wanted to come in. The blood of my ancestors, my sacred lineage as woman. I could now make art in black white and red. 

I saw the vision of the next woman who I should draw, I called her immediately and she said yes to having her soul portrait journey with me. This started the series of life death and rebirth, (cards #13 #36 in the oracle). 

Each time I finished one I got the vision of the next woman to draw. This started escalating and women were asking me to be part of it so I opened commissions and my abilities for soul reading through my art exponentially amplified as I received channelled messages for each women through the art. 

At this point I had no idea they would all be part of an oracle deck, but it soon started showing me that this is what it wanted to be.

The energy involved in illustrating these women was so intense I could only draw with black ink on white paper, and later add the red. I illustrated over 25 women whose souls showed me many facets of deep feminine wisdom through the energies of the ‘Triple Goddess’ - life, death and rebirth, it was real and happening.

Through illustrating each woman, deep lessons of embodiment were showing up in my life, showing me how each card was taking me on a deep soul journey and offering them reflections and guidance form their own soul expression, it was a stunning process that was starting to unfold.

I now drew in private as every time I would draw there would be an argument in my relationship. Big things were stirring inside and outside. I didn't know at that point why there was such struggle in my relationship when all this deep wisdom was flowing through me. The women inspired me to keep drawing. It was beyond me. 

The spirit of the oracle was now in me and guiding me to keep going. To keep making my art in service for a greater service of good for others. 

Then, at the end of Summer 2020 I was illustrating a woman whose work involves ceremonial processes of life and death (cards #35 & #36). She is a death and life doula and wisdom keeper. It was a profound card to illustrate onto the page, perhaps more than I had bargained for, because at the exact moment I was illustrating her portrait my now ex-husband walked in and ended our marriage.

In that very moment I had a profound realisation of what love and separation truly were, because I was in a ceremonial visionary art process my senses were amplified and I could see his energies as he was talking to me. There was a split. I could now see love and I could also see fear.

Through the insanity of it all, there was the choice between life and death, right in that moment. A choice of love and unity or fear and separation, which changed my life completely, because that was the end of my old life.

I chose love and unity and everything else fell away.  

Through this deep betrayal of my heart, I found myself with nothing, living in a caravan on a farm, with just my savings and a broken heart. I went into a deep transformational change, which some people might call a nervous breakdown.

And this was now also the end of my illustrations

I see it now as the most wild and radical portal of transformation that sledgehammered all my illusions of love. I got what I asked for! The universe was showing me what love was and was not. 

Because of all my years of women's work, sacred plant medicine ceremonies and leadership trainings up until that point, I now knew this was my moment of glory.

The end of my relationship meant now was the time to do the real work I had been searching for. If I was going to get the healing I knew was possible, it meant staying put and enduring everything that moved though me. 

I was in the ringer. I was in the ring. The bell was ringing and I was being called out. It was now only me and my ego and we would dance the most glorious battle of life and death that would help me finally dissolve in that sarcophagus and become new. This was the initiation. This was the death I had prophesised.

As the world was going into lockdown, I was breaking free.

I was breaking down yes, but I was also breaking through at the same time, and my awareness was skyrocketing and showing me what was happening in every moment.

I began to realise I was being born every morning and dying every evening and my four hour sleeps were bring prophetic visons of past lives and ancient civilisations that were applicable for this lifetime. I was shown how it was all playing out. I was given the ancient and new codings for divine union in this big evolutionary time of humanity right now. (Card #37)

The daily life and death cycles were accelerating my evolution and the embodiment of all the archetypal wisdom I had been illustrating, was now guiding me. My art was all I had left, but I would not pick up another pen until I was sure I could draw the truth. 

It was hell. It was wild. It was incredible.

I held my own with a few friends who were like guardian angels for me. This went on intensively for three months straight as my old life all fell, I lost it all. I lost all sense of security as the illusion of love dropped and I saw the reality of the situation I was in. 

Raw, open heart bleeding love was cracking me open, summoning me out the shell of abusive relating, and I decided to play. 

Everything was now speaking to me, the art, the stones, the flowers, the trees, the element and goodness knows how many spirits I had once shunned due to my atheistic doubt programs. It felt like the whole universe was in me, with me, guiding me every single day. I felt fully activated with my rose tinted glasses now blasted to smithereens I could sniff the infested scent of the salesmen of lies, and I wasn't buying anymore of their second-hand products. 

Then, a woman contacted me and asked me if she could be next portrait! 

My ego wanted to say no, but my heart said yes. This was the end of the triple goddess teachings and beginning of something new. At first I drew her in pen, but as I was drawing her I saw all the colours that wanted to be in it. So when edited it I added colour. I started with red, then blue, then green and then all the colours came flooding in and it asked me finally to remove all the black pen, so I did. 

In a way, this woman helped save a part of me. The part of me that wanted to give up my art and therefore life. But her soul portrait showed me it was time to rise and become unstoppable. This medicine is for us all. (card #38)

Then another woman stepped in and another, and then men came forward and before I knew it the prophecy of divine union was showing up through the trinity of the feminine and the trinity of the masculine, creating a new coding to break free from the past and create a new pathway. (cards #38 - #43)

The magic of the art and the soul prophecy was weaving a new reality and asking me to keep putting it on the page. 

At the same time as these beautiful souls stepping into be part of the oracle my personal life was still evolving beyond my wildest dreams. Destruction and creation happening simultaneously and the wisdom of divine union coming in thick and fast, asking me to trust the process.

There were times I woke up at night in the middle of winter storms feeling like like I was on a ship, the cabin swaying me from side to side as if I were on rough seas. I was set sail on a new voyage.

I felt seasick and I stumbled to my knees, I sobbed though what seemed like endless grief. I grieved the whole ocean I was sailing on in the dark. I was not grieving the surface level of the marriage ending, I was grieving what felt like lifetimes of separation and betrayal, in and outside of myself, through ancient civilisations, karmic contracts, the essence of the sacred feminine and masculine working together for great healing, and right up to the here and now. 

I was shown I was not mean to be alone, I was being shown divine union, and yet my human life was stripping it all away. This felt so ironic. Trying to be logical about it made me feel delirious, on my knees and I shouted to the universe, “Show me what I need to know, I give you my all!”

I was again shown the choice of everything, life or death, love or fear. I was shown my true purpose in this lifetime is Divine Union, and I screamed in a rage “HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO LOVE AGAIN AFTER SUCH BETRAYAL!?" 

My heart was raw and cracked open that my visions were deeper and more powerful than they ever had been, and again I was shown the consequences of what would happen if I chose to be a bitter single woman. What would happen if I embodied the distorted version of the Crone in this time of deep transformation. 

The choice was clear, fear led to my death and love led me to my Divine purpose in partnership with a man. I was furious and delirious with rage at the choice presented before me after such deep betrayal from men who told me they loved me.

I was shown the difference between the black lion essence that is cultivated in patriarchy and I was shown essence of the pure masculine and the sacred lion heart, so I shouted at the top of my voice through the hurricane surrounding my cabin - “YOU WANT ME TO LOVE?! THEN BRING ME A TRUE LION HEARTED MAN!”

I would give up my art and all my work with the feminine if I was not able to take this journey further, because I saw the truth and I was not willing to be a fake. I would not profess love if I was not able to live it, so I had to surrender more deeply.

On the 13th of December 2020, (4 years before the launch of my Kickstarter) my landlord knocked on my door and introduced me to his friend, a man named Alistair who had come over from England to visit. We all sat that evening for dinner and he told me he had a special gift as a Spirit Animal specialist and his heart totem was the Lion. I couldn’t believe it, I remained silent, observing, challenging my mind.

He stayed for 3 weeks, and it was his wish to sit in ceremony with me guiding. So a number of us sat in a private medicine ceremony together on the Winter Solstice of 2020. In that ceremony the Mayan prophecy came true and we broke open the energy of the new age of divine union.

''Who was this man?'' I kept asking myself. 

After our first ceremony, he started knocking on my door. He said to me “I have the strangest feeling that I have to stick to you like glue”. Again “Who is this man?” I asked myself. I gave him no words. At first, I made myself busy, but he was so kind-hearted I could not deny his friendship and so over the days he sat and listened to my story when no other person would. He listened to my advice, and he took it.

Who is this man? He stayed for just over two weeks and in that time we sat in several ceremonies together and in that short time we became good friends. We spent New Year's Eve together and he said to me “This is a dream come true, I always wanted to spend New Year's eve with someone just like me”.

''Universe - Who is this man?''
 

The day after he arrived back in London we began to video call each other. We spoke every day for at least 8 hours, and we decided to begin a ceremonial medicine journey between two different countries and an ocean between us.

I summoned in all the lessons I had learned from all my experiences and was determind to truly heal my heart, body and soul. I started taking my own course 'I Am Divine'', and embarked on a radical healing journey with this new friend.

We purified ourselves through exposure, sharing, acknowledgement and sitting in ceremony together over video, it was crazy, crazy fun and we connected for a 1000 days straight and every day since. Everything in my Soul Prophecy Oracle journey was showing me was divine union, yet this man had no idea, he believed we were just friends, but secretly I knew otherwise, because the oracle was showing me the way.